My Life in the "GoveeLife" Bronx

 Written by Shawn Peters

Listen, I love the Bronx. It’s got character, the best chopped cheese on the planet, and a noise level that consistently defies the laws of physics. 

But when I decided to turn my fourth-floor walk-up into a Smart Home, things got weird fast. 

I bought the whole GoveeLife catalog, thinking I’d achieve peak relaxation. Instead, I’ve just turned my apartment into a neon-lit discotheque that’s currently fighting a turf war with the elevated train.

The RGB Glow vs. The Streetlight

I started with the smart LED strips. 

I wanted Ambient Sunset, but in a Bronx apartment with thin curtains, the orange glow combined with the buzzing streetlamp outside just makes my living room look like a crime scene from a 1970s detective show.

Last night, I set the lights to Deep Sea Blue to chill out. My neighbor, Mrs. Quintez, banged on the door asking if I was running an illegal aquarium or if the aliens had finally come for the rent.

The Smart Kettle: My Newest Enemy

The real kicker is the GoveeLife Smart Kettle. It’s got Bluetooth, WiFi, and probably a better credit score than me. I programmed it to have boiling water ready for my coffee the second my alarm goes off.

The reality?

• 6:00 AM: The kettle starts whistling.

• 6:01 AM: The 4-Train screams past my window.

• 6:02 AM: My phone sends me a frantic notification: "Water is at 212°F! Your life is peaking!"

The kettle is now the only thing in this borough that actually listens to me, and frankly, its over-eagerness is starting to make me feel judged.

Syncing with the Sounds of the City

The DreamView feature—which syncs your lights to music—is where the Bronx really takes over. 

I tried to watch a quiet documentary, but every time a modified Honda Civic roared down the block or a siren wailed on Grand Concourse, my entire bedroom flashed strobe-light red and purple.

Pro-Tip: Do not use Music Sync mode if you live near a fire station. It’s less vibe and more emergency evacuation simulation.

The Verdict

Living the GoveeLife Bronx Life means my apartment is now 40 percent smarter and 100 percent more likely to be mistaken for a nightclub. 

I might be living in a tiny space with a radiator that clanks like a percussion ensemble, but at least I can change the humidity of my room from my phone while I’m standing in line at the bodega.

Is it necessary? Absolutely not. Does it make me feel like a tech mogul while I eat my $8 sandwich? 

You bet it does.